


And We Call Them Miracles

by inkandpaper



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: CS family origin story, F/M, Kinda sad at first, Original Headcanons, but its fine, low key angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-03 11:58:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11531763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkandpaper/pseuds/inkandpaper
Summary: Starting a family isn't easy and Emma and Killian are no exception.Multi-chapter (probably? hopefully?) with snippets of my personal theory of the CS family origin story dating allllll the way back to season four. I've really only planned out like two chapters so we'll see where we end up with this.





	And We Call Them Miracles

**Author's Note:**

> Um, okay. Sorry in advance.  
> Just a disclaimer: I don't own the characters, just the storyline (and do I even really own all of that?). 
> 
> This first chapter takes place during the six weeks of peace between 4A and 4B. I'd imagine it'd be earlier in that time frame than later, still in the beginning stages of Emma and Hook's romantic relationship. This whole piece is based off of this headcanon that I have that I'll explain in the notes at the end. Don't hate on it yet.

They're nestled together by the pond when he asks her. 

"Would you ever want another child? Children, perhaps?"

Emma's so startled that at first, she doesn't even register the question. When she does she sits upright, twisting to look at him.

Gathering her thoughts and ignoring all the alarms going off in her head, she pulls together a response. 

"A bit forward for only the third date, don't you think?" 

Killian rolls his eyes. "It's just a question, love. I know you're going to read too much into it. Don't." 

She shifts uncomfortably. "Okay, then. Um, I haven't really thought about it."

He frowns. "You didn't think about it after Henry was born? Or when he found you some years ago in Boston?"

His persistence startles her. She's beginning to catch on that something else is bothering him. 

"What's this really about, Killian? I can tell you're worried about something."

He pauses for a long moment. "Please, Emma. Humor me."

The half desperate, half exasperated tone in his voice makes her nervous, but she does as he asks. When she thinks about it--really, really thinks about it--the answer to his first question scares her. Had he asked her two years ago (who was she kidding, if he had asked her two months ago) it would have been a resounding HELL no, but as she sits with his arms around her, warm and relaxed and content…

She thinks that maybe, with him at her side and her family at her back for support…

No. She doesn't want to dive in to a full-length analysis of her feelings for Killian and (dare she say?) hopes for the future.

"Maybe," she finally admits. "After Henry, I knew I never wanted to have another kid. For the kid's sake, really, and not mine. I just didn't ever think I'd ever be in a place in my life where I would feel like I could, I don’t know, support a kid. Care for it. Do all the things that I never would have been able to do for Henry at the time." She stops for a moment, searches out Killian's gaze. 

"But?" he prompts, meeting her eyes.

"But…now I have my parents. Friends. A devilishly handsome pirate who takes me on dates and buys me coffee." She smiles at him, tries to make a joke out of it, but the sincerity in his expression doesn't fade out like she expects it to. 

"And?"

She takes a deep breath. "And I guess, well…I mean, I definitely don't want another kid anytime soon, but maybe someday…" her voice trails off, and when she speaks again, it's small and quiet and barely there. 

"With so many people here, I'm not alone anymore, right? And maybe if I had to go through everything I experienced with Henry again, maybe it wouldn't be so bad this time around." 

Seemingly satisfied with her answer, Killian takes her hand and squeezes. He offers a small smile. 

"And you? Would you ever want kids?"

Just like that, the mood changes. It shifts from something light and honest and just the slightest bit uncomfortable to something altogether darker and more obscure. Emma's felt like she's brought upon herself an impending thunderstorm when she had, not five minutes ago, been basking in the sun on a bright day. 

"I could never be a father," he answers, almost mechanically.

She shifts again, somewhat uncomfortably but with the knowledge that she's confident in her next words.

"Don't say that," she begins. "I think you'd be a lot better with kids than you think you would. I mean, you're great with Neal. I'm convinced at this point that he likes you better than he likes me. And of course you're so good with Henry. He pretty much looks to you as--"

He cuts her off abruptly. "No, Emma. I couldn't ever have children of my own."

She frowns, not quite understanding where he's coming from. "What do you mean?"

Killian scratches behind his ear and Emma immediately knows he's nervous about whatever he wants to say.

"I know this might seem, well, forward, but I brought it up because I want you to know before anything gets too, well, serious. I care for you Emma, and of course whatever this is that we have is as much moving at my pace as it is yours, but in the case that it has potential to grow--and I dare to think it does--I don't want you to reach a point where you…get your hopes up, per say. I couldn't bear to put you in a position where I could at some point let you down, not if I can do something to prevent it."

She takes in his words, slowly and carefully. "Killian," she asks, "what are you talking about? Just…just spit it out. Whatever you want to say, say it. I promise it won't scare me away."

He considers her briefly before continuing. "After Milah, I…experienced what one might call a lifestyle change. More so from the transition period I ended up in after Liam's death. I engaged in some rather…reckless behavior, but I was at least responsible enough to recognize that my actions would hold some sort of consequences. There were many things that I felt uncertain about, but I always knew for sure that I could not afford to bring a child into the world. I couldn't do that for its sake or the sake of its mother. 

"So I found a healer. I told her what I wanted and she offered me a potion that would do exactly what I wished it to do. I drank it without even thinking."

Slowly, the pieces begin to fit together. The sudden questions, a potion--suspiciously similar to one which her mother had taken in darker days-- and Emma understands with overwhelming clarity. 

"When you said you could never be a father, you didn't mean it as a declaration of self-loathing," she murmured. "You meant it as a declaration of an inability to even conceive." 

His eyes lock with hers for a long moment before he turns away, jaw clenched. 

"But would you ever want kids?"

He snaps his head up to look at her and she almost laughs at the expression on his face--he's staring at her as if she'd grown a third eye. 

"Bloody hell, Emma. Do I have to spell it out for you? I'm infertile."

"Do I need to take you to the doctor to get your hearing checked? I didn't ask if you could have kids. I asked if you wanted them. Regardless of an inability to have your own."

He's quiet then, staring again at the water of the pond. She takes in his profile and thinks that it just might be a damn shame that he can't pass on his striking set of genes. Without realizing it, she's picturing a boy with his own dark hair, defined jaw, eyes of the most brilliant blue. A girl with thick, expressive brows, cascading raven waves, a smile that charms everyone who's privileged enough to see it. Another girl, this one with the same sparkling smile but a softer face, thinner lips, hair that's light and eyes that are more green than blue…

She forces herself to stop her train of thought before it goes somewhere that she's not quite ready for it to go to. 

"Yes," he says finally. "I think I would, someday." He pauses again, more briefly this time. "But it doesn't matter, as it cannot ever be."

"Just because it can't happen doesn't mean it doesn't matter," she says softly. "Besides, there's always adoption. I think you and I both know that no child is less deserving of love than any other child."

He reaches for her hand again and hums. "Right you are, darling." 

She leans in to kiss his cheek. "Thank you, Killian. I appreciate that you told me." 

He gives a noncommittal shrug. "I want all the cards on the table before you decide if you want to take things further or not."

Emma catches the unspoken question that hangs at the end of his statement. He's giving her another out, she realizes. But not even for the briefest of seconds does she consider taking it--she's not perturbed by the fact that she could never have a chance to procreate with the man beside her--hell, she's not even ready to think about the personal commitment to said man that intentional procreation would require. That's way down her line of thought--but still, she knows that deep down, if she and Killian ever made it that far, she wouldn't mind keeping him all to herself. If they got desperate, they could always do as she had suggested and consider adoption. 

"Well, in that case, I'm in charge of planning date number four. Have any plans for Thursday night?"

A smile blooms on Killian's face and she doesn't think she's ever seen a sight so sweet.

**Author's Note:**

> Soooooooo it's looking pretty bleak for that heart-melting CS family right now, amirite? Except not really. Not yet.
> 
> At some point in my life as a OUAT fan I somehow ended up with this headcanon that Hook, due to some self-taken preventative measures, can't have children. BUT I also have a theory that more or less reverses that effect. It's not really a well-thought out theory (can you say BASIC) but it gets the job done. Not gonna say much but it pretty much is the equivalent of writing a terrible/incredible/intuitive story and ending it with "and then X woke up and realized it was all a dream." Oh well. Whatever.


End file.
